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Carpe Diem

August 19, 2009

It’s not that I have a phobia of awkward situations or anything, I just don’t like them. Actually, I probably deal with them better than a lot of people because I can talk to absolutely anyone about anything and am able to laugh things off when they don’t go my way. I just don’t enjoy them, but then, I doubt anyone really does. So I tend to avoid them.

Anyway a little while ago I got invited to a friend’s party where I knew I was going to know no one else. Everything inside me was screaming ‘awkward moments!’ and ‘uncomfortable silences!’ so I considered not going. But then I realised this is how I deal with all situations I’m not a fan of. I just ignore them and go into denial, pretending things I don’t like aren’t actually happening. It’s actually quite amazing how long you can ignore things for as I have discovered in my history. But I’ve decided I need to change my habit of retreating into my shell when I don’t like something. It’s not healthy and I’m not learning anything from my non-experiences.

To make a long story short, my inner battle resulted in me heading off to a party where I knew no one and managing to get myself lost on the way. In my defence I’m a strictly inner-city sorf of girl, and this was practically the country. That’s probably another problem I have to address in myself, my fear of venturing anywhere outside of about a 10 km radius of the city. But that’s for another day.

It would be a happy ending if I said this party was the happiest night of my life and I met a bunch of people I’m sure I’m going to be friends with forever wouldn’t it? Let’s not get too optimistic. While it wasn’t the best night of my life, it certainly wasn’t the worst. I actually did have quite a good time, and met a lot of interesting and friendly people. I do enjoy conversation and sometimes the best conversations are with people you don’t really know. So it was fun.

In the end, I have to say I’m quite proud of myself. At first the idea of getting out of my comfort zone (you know, vodka and orange juice in a CBD pub/club) was completely terrifying, but I’m glad I did it. I realised there is no point worrying about things that might be awkward or bad, expecially if you don’t know for sure. I also discovered that once you get out of your comfort zone, you don’t have to do it again because you’re completely comfortable with that experience. So, I’m off to another party where I don’t know anyone or how to get there. It should be fun.

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