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Denim Tights

July 29, 2009

Let’s face it, fashion can be odd. We all have those major fashion mishaps buried somewhere at the bottom of our closets. We all have the photos in awful outfits that’d we’d rather not see ever again. It’s a part of life. Things that sound good at the time, are discovered to be completely stupid later on. Take ponchos for example. Not the waterproof ones that, while they look sort of ridiculous, at least keep one dry. No, I mean those hideous ones that were popular a few years ago. The ones that looked like scratchy old picnic blankets with sleeves. People thought they were cool at the time (well, not me because they looked like scratchy old picnic blankets with sleeves) but looking back, they realise they are, in fact, hideous and try to pretend they never wore one. And they, of course, burn the damn thing or donate it to a charity store where it will sit until the fashion wheel rolls over and ponchos are back in fashion and the donor goes searching for it in the back of the closet and wonders where it could possible have gotten to. But I digress. Other fashion mishaps include fluro shirts, muffin top jeans and boob tubes. Actually, there’s many many more but there isn’t time to go into all that.

The current ‘all the rage’ item is the pair of denim tights. Now, most fashion mishaps are only determined to be mishaps years later. I mean, people thought they looked cool in their massive mohawks or their skinny ties. And, I have to say, compared to denim tights, mohawks are bloody sexy. As I was saying, denim tights are a fashion disaster that are clearly a disaster on this side of the disaster. You can tell, right now, that they are horrible. There is something fundamentally wrong about denim tights. Tights, yes. Denim jeans, yes. Denim tights? Hell no! To be honest, I was never a big fan of the whole ‘leggings/tights as pants’ fashion that led to the atrocity that is denim tights. I mean the idea of wearing them under short dresses/skirts and long tops was great, especially for those dresses that seemed to shrink after the first wear. But then some people took this idea too far, and started wearing their tights as pants, complete with short(ish) shirts and even jackets when the weather turned cooler. Never mind that these tights couldn’t possibly be as warm as actual pants. And so, then came denim tights. The worst so far, although who knows what will be next. Corduroy tights perhaps. Denim tights are like extemely tight, extremely horrible, jeans. No, they aren’t jeans. You can tell they aren’t jeans. They don’t look like jeans or feel like jeans or rip like jeans. They just look wrong. Why do people wear them like jeans? Why, when for approximately the same price, you can buy a pair of actual jeans? Comfortable, warm, normal-looking jeans. If you are you going to wear denim tights as jeans, you might as well go for the real thing. While jeans exist, there is no use and no point for this dreadful substitute. Jeans are everything denim tights are not. And most importantly for fashion fans, they look better. They are way more flattering than denim tights. Tights are not pants! So do not wear them as such.

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